Parenting from Proverbs: Providing for the home

Proverbs 31:15:

She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.

Proverbs 31:10-31, the section of Scripture about the virtuous wife, provides many lessons when it comes to parenting; however, I’m going to focus in a verse that characterizes an area in which I need encouragement. Proverbs 31:15 states that the worthy woman “rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household.” The encouragement I need from this verse is twofold: one, to always be working hard for my family, and two, to always be ready to provide for my family, even if it means that I need to rise while it is yet night. It can be very easy to fall into the trap of idleness around the home, and I don’t want to let that idleness rule the home. I want to be active in all aspects around the home, always being ready and willing to take on whatever challenge comes that day. And, beyond even being ready to take on the challenges of the day, to start each day out right: prepared to provide for all in my family.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Correction is a blessing

Proverbs 29:17:

Correct your son, and he will give you rest;
Yes, he will give delight to your soul.

Today’s passage falls in line with both my thoughts about Proverbs 19:18 and Proverbs 23:13-14. As a parent, I must not neglect my responsibility and blessing of correcting my children. I think of correcting and disciplining my children as a blessing not because I enjoy correcting them or disciplining them, but rather because it gives me the opportunity to mold them and guide them; ultimately, to mold them in accordance with God’s Word. I’m thankful for the mission field that God has placed in my home, and my desire is that I do all I can to show them God and how to be obedient to Him. That blessing is further examined in Proverbs 29:17 – that “he [your son] will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.” Why would a child that has been corrected give rest and delight to a parent’s soul? Because, hopefully, that correction has led them toward a path of righteousness rather than a path of sin.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Knowing the state of my flocks

Proverbs 27:23-26:

Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, And attend to your herds;
For riches are not forever, Nor does a crown endure to all generations.
When the hay is removed, and the tender grass shows itself, And the herbs of the mountains are gathered in,
The lambs will provide your clothing, And the goats the price of a field;
You shall have enough goats’ milk for your food, For the food of your household,
And the nourishment of your maidservants.

Do I know the state of my flocks? Do I attend to my herds? Two pointed questions that I must seriously reflect upon. As the keeper of the home, I need to know the state of my flocks. I need to know how my children are growing up, what things they are struggling with, and what things they are excelling in. I need to know how they are growing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I think there are two key words in verse 23: diligent and attend. First, knowing the state of my flocks isn’t something that just happens. I have to be diligent in knowing the state of my flocks, or, in other words, making a constant effort to know the state of my flocks. Secondly, I have to attend to my herds. I have to devote time to my children. I have to minister to my children. I have to guard and watch over my children. These are not easy tasks, and require hard work and dedication on my part.

And, although I’m specifically applying this passage to knowing the state of my children for this series, this passage goes beyond just knowing the state of my children. I need to know the state of my flocks in regards to many areas of the home, and I should always be diligently seeking to foster a godly home for my family.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Self Control

Proverbs 25:28:

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.

Once again in my study, although I need to teach my children to have self control, I feel like I need to reflect on the wisdom of this passage personally.  I think it boils down to the fact that I need to have more patience in my handlings with others, particularly with my children. I often let frustration overrun my attitude and my words rather than calmly handling a situation. Or, I let myself become completely run down with little things that turn into something bigger. And when it become something bigger, I don’t handle the situation like I ought. I need to have more self control and patience to not let the little things bother me so much. I also need to make sure that I’m promoting an attitude of selflessness. Sometimes when I struggle with patience and self control, I know it is because I’m not exhibiting a God-first, others-second, me-last attitude. I don’t want to be a city that is broken down without walls, but rather a stronghold for my home.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Humility

Proverbs 25:6-7:

Do not exalt yourself in the presence of the king, And do not stand in the place of the great;
For it is better that he say to you, “Come up here,”
Than that you should be put lower in the presence of the prince, Whom your eyes have seen.

Proverbs 25:6-7 warns against arrogance, pride, and putting oneself in a high position. I think it gets down to thinking that everything is about me, rather than God and others around me. It gets down to exhibiting arrogance over humility. We ought to be humble. I need to instill and foster humility in my children. They need to understand that yes, they are important, but the world doesn’t revolve around them. Our world ought to revolve around God, serving Him, and telling others about Him.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Do Not Withhold Correction

Proverbs 23:13-14:

Do not withhold correction from a child,
For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
You shall beat him with a rod,
And deliver his soul from hell.

Today’s passage is often one that is controversial within the world today. However, as a student of the Bible, I cannot neglect the wisdom and instruction of this passage as well as others such as the following passages:

Proverbs 13:24: “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly”

Proverbs 29:15: “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

Proverbs 19:18: “Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction.^”

Proverbs 3:12: “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.”

Proverbs 13:24 is very pointed: if I love my children I will discipline them promptly, but if I hate my children I spare the rod from them. This passage is in direct contrast with most teaching in the world about raising children. Most of the world says that if you love your children you’ll withhold the rod from them. However, I should not fall into the ways of worldly thinking. I need to look God’s Word which is “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105).  When spanking my children, I must keep the purpose and end in mind, particularly as given in the Bible. I am spanking and disciplining my children because I want to “deliver their souls from hell” (Proverbs 23:13-14); because I want them to have wisdom and avoid shame (Proverbs 29:15); and because I want them to learn obedience, so they learn to obey God.

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Parenting from Proverbs: A Good Name

Proverbs 22:1:

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches,
Loving favor rather than silver and gold.

There is great value in having a good name; great value in having a good reputation. Proverbs 22:1 states that “a good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.” As part of my physical family, the way I live my life reflects upon my family’s name. As part of my spiritual family, the way I live my life also reflects on my family’s name: the church of Christ. Being blessed to be part of both my physical and spiritual families comes with the responsibility of upholding their names. My responsibility includes starting my children out with a good name by my actions and my life. I need to teach my children the importance of having a good name; but more importantly, the importance of living their lives in such a way that they have a good name. It isn’t about “putting on a show” for others so that they think you are something you are not. It is about living a genuine life in faithfulness to God in which other people are treated, among many other things, with kindness, love, and respect.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Helping Others

Proverbs 21:13:

Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor
Will also cry himself and not be heard.

There are always those around us who are going to be struggling whether it be financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise. I want to teach my children to be a help to those that are struggling. However, I not only want to teach them to help those who are struggling, I also want to teach them to look for opportunities to help those who are struggling. My children need to see me in action helping others. They need to know and be a part of giving to the poor. They need to know and be a part of bringing food to someone who has lost a loved one or just had a baby. They need to know and be a part of having conversations and studies with others about spiritual things. We need to always be aware of situations where we can help others out, and to act upon those situations. As Galatians 6:9-10 states: “⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

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Parenting from Proverbs: Handle it now

Proverbs 19:18:

Chasten your son while there is hope,
And do not set your heart on his destruction.

My husband and I have always had the parenting philosophy that we’d rather handle it now than later. What do I mean? That we’re not going to wait until our child is five years old to start instructing them to not whine or to be kind to their sibling. We’re not going to wait until they are ten to start teaching them to pick up after themselves. We’re going to handle it now. We’re going to teach them now. We’re going to deal with issues that arise now. I fully realize that just because I teach my child something now doesn’t mean that I won’t have to teach them again when they are or five or ten or even eighteen years old. But I firmly believe that it is easier to mold a child when they are younger than when they’ve already become set in bad habits (trust me, I know it is hard for me to change my bad habits!). Proverbs 19:18 encourages me to “chasten [my child] while there is still hope.” I’m reminded every day of how precious my time is with my children, and how quickly they are growing up. I should not take that time for granted whether that be in anything from forming memories to correcting them to teaching them about God’s Word.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Listening Carefully

Proverbs 18:13:

He who answers a matter before he hears it,
It is folly and shame to him.

While much of my parenting from Proverbs series has focused on things that I should teach my children, the focus of today’s passage points directly to me. I need to take heed to the wisdom of this passage. More often than I’d like to admit, whether it be with my husband or my kids or even someone else, I’m quick to answer or respond to a situation before I hear the entirety of the matter. I need to be a better listener. I need to be less focused on solving an issue or becoming frustrated at an issue, and first focused on what the actual matter is. In regards to parenting, no matter how tired I am, no matter if I am working on something else, no matter if I’m right in the middle of cooking dinner, I need to take the time to be focused on the things that my children are bringing to me. Now, I’m not at all advocating encouraging my children to interrupt, but they do need to know that I’m there for them when they need me, and that I’m going to listen to their situation completely. I need to be patient and thorough in my thinking and decision making and not rash or quick to jump to conclusions. I need to avoid making quick assumptions because I *think* I know what happened or what my child is going to say. I need to listen carefully first in order to handle each situation as wisely as possible.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Quarrels

Proverbs 17:14:

The beginning of strife is like releasing water;
Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.

If anything has been trying my patience lately, it has been the little bickering that has been going on between Ella and Troy. They don’t dislike each other; in fact, they want to be around each other (most of the time anyway), but they don’t get how to get along with one another. I get that they are still very young, and really have very little concept of how to get along with others (well, particularly Troy). Proverbs 17:14 reminds me that I personally need to stop contention before a quarrel starts, but that I need to encourage and teach my children  to not be quarrelsome. Don’t get me wrong: I know there are times when arguments and discussions are going to take place and need to take place. However, I also know that some people always seem to be looking for a fight or are always difficult to get along with because they have those types of attitudes. I don’t want to be that way, and I certainly don’t want my children to be the ones that everyone has to tip toe around because they are hard to get along with or because they are always trying to stir up something. I want my children to have the wisdom to be peacemakers, not the foolishness of ones who stir up strife.

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Parenting from Proverbs: The Power of Words

Proverbs 16:27-30:

An ungodly man digs up evil, And it is on his lips like a burning fire.
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.
A violent man entices his neighbor, And leads him in a way that is not good.
He winks his eye to devise perverse things; He purses his lips and brings about evil.

Even though our children are still young (3 and almost 2) we’ve been instructing them in how they use their words just about from the time they could speak. Whether it be to encourage them to use “yes, sir” and “yes, ma'am,” to say things with a  kind attitude, or to not use the word “like” every other word (as has been the case lately with Ella), we’ve been directing their words.  The Bible, particularly in the book of Proverbs, has much to say about our speech. Proverbs 16 brings out another aspect of our speech that I need to teach my children about: using it as a devise to divide friends as verse 28 states, “a whisperer separates the best of friends.” Gossip and other forms of “whispering” can bring much destruction to relationships (ones that already exist or even potential relationships). I need to warn my children about being gossipers or talebearers. The following passages in Proverbs show the deceitful nature of talebearing:

Proverbs 11:13:”A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.”

Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22: “The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles,And they go down into the inmost body.”

Proverbs 20:19":”He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.”

Proverbs 26:20:”Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.”

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Parenting from Proverbs: The Eyes of the Lord

Proverbs 15:3:

The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
Keeping watch on the evil and the good.

I have to teach my children about the characteristics of God. One of those characteristics is the fact that He sees everything: His eyes are in every place (Proverbs 15:3). We cannot hide our actions or our thoughts from God: He knows and sees all. Even if my children think they may be able to hide something from me (and I’m sure at times they will(, they need to remember that God still sees them. Our actions ought to reflect the fact that God sees all.

However, beyond reminding them that God sees all to deter them from doing wrong, I ought to remind them on the positive side: He sees when we do good and obey Him too. Consider Noah’s example found in Genesis 6:7-9: “⁷ So the Lord said, “I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth, both man and beast, creeping thing and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them.” ⁸ But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.”

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Parenting from Proverbs: Guarding the Mouth

Proverbs 13:2-3:

A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth,
But the soul of the unfaithful feeds on violence.
 He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.

The book of Proverbs has much to say about one’s speech. Obviously, how we use our words is very important. We can build up with our words; we can tear down with our words. We can tell others about Jesus with our words; we can destroy Jesus with our words. We can speak the truth with our words; we can spread lies with our words. Our words are very powerful. Teaching my children about their words is an important task that I have as their parent. Teaching my children about their words starts now when they are little. I must encourage the truth. I must encourage kindness. I must encourage talking about Jesus and spiritual things. I must discourage lies and hatred. And, at all times, I must look to myself, and make sure my words follow after righteousness.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Choosing Friends

Proverbs 12:26:

The righteous should choose his friends carefully,
For the way of the wicked leads them astray.

I want my children to make wise choices in all they do. I realize they are going to make mistakes, but that doesn’t change the fact that my desire is for them to always make wise choices. My desire for them to make wise choices with the people they choose as their friends, particularly their close friends, is no different. The people they choose as their friends greatly influence them, whether they realize it or not. The attitudes they see in their friends influence them. The words they hear their friends use influence them. The actions they watch their friends complete influence them. These attitudes, words, and actions that influence them can be positive influences that exhibit characteristics we are called to show in accordance with God’s Word. However, these attitudes, words, and actions that influence them can be negative, pulling my children away from God. My closest friends, as well as my children’s closest friends, should be those who when they influence us, influence us for the good, and not evil.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Integrity

Proverbs 11:1-3:

Dishonest scales are an abomination to the Lord,But a just weight is His delight.
When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.
The integrity of the upright will guide them, But the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.

In many of these studies from Proverbs, my first thought is “in a world lacking in ___________ characteristic, I need to teach my children to have ________  characteristic.” Today’s study is no different. In a world that seems to greatly lack in integrity, I need to teach my children integrity. In a world that glorifies lying, especially when it helps someone get ahead, I have to emphasize the fact that there is no glory in lying. My children need to be of sound moral character – a sound moral character that is founded on God’s Word. They need to value honesty and the truth. They need to know that there is a right way, and that we are called to live our lives in accordance to that right way. As Proverbs 3:5-8 states: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones.”

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Parenting from Proverbs: The Lips of the Righteous

Proverbs 10:31-32:

The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, But the perverse tongue will be cut out.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked what is perverse.

The first line of verse 31 as well as the first line of verse 32 really struck me: “the mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom,” and “the lips of the righteous know what is acceptable.” My first thought was that I need to teach my children to have righteous words in their mouths, and, while that is certainly something I should teach them, it also applies to me. As a parent, I need to have a righteous mouth that speaks wisdom and knows what is acceptable. I certainly struggle at times with always having a mouth that speaks wisdom and knows what is acceptable, particularly in the type of attitude I portray. One thing (of many, I’m sure) that I need to greatly work on where parenting is concerned is my patience. When I get frustrated with my children, I have to remember that Ella is only 3 and Troy is only 2 (well, almost 2). I need to have patience with  my words and have a mouth that is righteous: wise and knowledgeable of what is acceptable. In order to have a righteous mouth, I must study God’s Word as Psalm 119:172 states: “My tongue shall speak of Your word, For all Your commandments are righteousness.”

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Parenting from Proverbs: The Love of Wisdom

Proverbs 8:32-36:

Now therefore, listen to me [wisdom], my children, For blessed are those who keep my ways.
Hear instruction and be wise, And do not disdain it.
Blessed is the man who listens to me, Watching daily at my gates, Waiting at the posts of my doors.
For whoever finds me finds life, And obtains favor from the Lord;
But he who sins against me wrongs his own soul; All those who hate me love death.

You cannot read through the book of Proverbs without seeing the emphasis placed on wisdom. In fact, although I only quoted a few verses above from Proverbs 8, the entire chapter is focused on wisdom. Previously I considered the need for me, as a parent, to seek wisdom and counsel in parenting. However, I need to not only seek wisdom, but teach my children to love and seek wisdom.

My children need to know the importance of seeking and loving wisdom. They need to know that wisdom is something they should strive towards daily as Proverbs 8:34 states: “Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.” They need to understand that they should be actively following after godly wisdom, and that godly wisdom is found in God’s Word. I need to encourage my children to be lovers of godly wisdom.

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Parenting from Proverbs: “Keep my commands and live”

Proverbs 7:1-5:

My son, keep my words, And treasure my commands within you.
Keep my commands and live, And my law as the apple of your eye.
Bind them on your fingers; Write them on the tablet of your heart.
Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” And call understanding your nearest kin,
That they may keep you from the immoral woman, From the seductress who flatters with her words.

The admonition given in the first few verses of Proverbs 7 is clear: cherish and love commands and law.  I like the reasons given here for keeping commands: to live; and also, for keeping wisdom and understanding close: to keep one from the immoral woman. My thoughts on this passage are twofold: first, I need to remember my motivation for the instruction that I give my children: so that they can live and avoid sin; ultimately leading lives that will get them to heaven. Secondly, I need to have patience when instructing my children. Although I don’t believe I have to explain the reasoning every little decision and instruction I give my children, there are times that I need to explain my instruction to them. As a child it can be difficult at times to see the necessity and love of laws and commands. I need to be able to put myself into my children’s situation and have patience with them.

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Parenting from Proverbs: Hating what the Lord Hates

Proverbs 6:16-19:

These six things the Lord hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.

In striving to follow God, I should not only hate the things He hates, but love the things He loves. As a parent, I have to impress upon my children the same things: to hate what God hates and love what God loves. I’ve heard it said that these things that the Lord hates that are mentioned in Proverbs 6:16-19 are in contrast to things that God loves. I think this observation is right on point. For example, God hates a lying tongue because He loves the truth, and He hates hands that shed innocent blood because He loves life. Often in the world today, the things we ought to love according to God’s Word are confused with the things that we ought to hate. This is why, among many reasons, it is important to study God’s Word and to teach my children about God’s Word.

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